I'll Be Honest

I'll be honest, I'm not a writer type.
I'll be honest, I was never romantic.
I'll be honest, I always felt lonely.
I'll be honest, I felt the loneliness of not having friends once.
I'll be honest, I was never a perfect person.

But,
For you, I'll type to my heart content.
For you, I'll try my best to make you feel loved with the romantic way.
Because of you, I always never alone anymore.
For you, I'll try my best to never let you feel that way.
Because of you, I never felt much more satisfied and perfected myself.

I'll be honest.
People said, "If someone loves you, they won't hurt you. If they do, they're hurting too."
And when I (accidentally) hurt you, I'm sorry, I was hurt too.

I'll be honest.
I wasn't hurt because of what you said about me.
I wasn't hurt because of what you did to me.
I wasn't hurt because of your complaint about

But,
I was hurt because you didn't trust me.
Though it wasn't like you fully didn't trust me, but it was the other crucial things.
It's okay to put a doubt sometimes,
But when I proved to you something about that doubt, you changed it into your insecurity.
And then I got hurt by your insecurity.
I got hurt that it made me think, you didn't belief me whatever I said,
and it got to me, you didn't belief me at all.
For whatever reason that you made you feed your insecurity.

And I'll be honest.
Insecurities can lead to destruction.
Destruction of relationship.
Destruction of friendship.
Destruction of trust.
Destruction of a good ol' laugh.

I'll be honest.
Even when you are smiling.
You can't hide your anger.
You can't hide your distress.
You can't hide your sadness.
You can't hide your depression.
You can't hide your insecurities.
I'll be honest, especially not to me.

I'll be honest.
I tried millions ways to allow me to become part of you.
All I wanted was you to trust me.
Put away all your insecurities, and trust me fully with your heart.
I know it's hard, after you got broken apart.
Pieces by pieces, times after times.
After the failure of each relationship.
You got broken, shredded and so on.

I'll be honest.
I could see in your eyes, when you sad.
I could see in your eyes, when something troubling you.
I could see in your eyes, when something bothering you.
I could see in your eyes, you are unsatisfied.
I could see in your eyes, that you are almost giving up.
I could see in your eyes, that you are still fighting.
I could see in your eyes, that you are still trying to conquer your eternal depression.
But let me ask you, is it really eternal?

I really want to help you.
Thought I might not even be part of helping it, but at least I want to know what's bothering you.
We are all humans, we have our limit, so is our capacity to hold and keep the things that have been bothering us.
I didn't ask for a lot, I just want to help you express whatever hurting you,
Whatever bothering you.
Whatever making you sad.
Even if it's me, someone else, or even yourself.
Let me know more about you. Let me know more about what you feel. About what you think.
Let me be one with you.

I'll be honest.
It is hard, and it needs time, it needs effort, but know this, I trust you will all my content.
I want to help you release all of your problem.
Let all your problem become my problems.
You might think "You got this.", but remember, two heads is always better than one.
We could solve this together.
It may be hard to convince you. But this is how you can trust me.
This is how you can stop hurting me. And I can assure you. I will stop hurting you too.

I'll be honest.
Confession night was the night that I can never imagine happening.
Neither being with you.
Full of embarrassment, full of laughter, but also all the truth vibe.
And I always hope and pray, you are my last one.
I am tired too.
I can't take anymore breakups, even if I may look for new ones, I can't do it.

And all this is because,
I'll be honest,
I really, really, love you.

As the title suggested, I'll be honest, it might not end here. So I'mma end here with a semicolon. Thanks for reading;